It seems that these last weeks have been about religion belief and god. I talked to a couple of colleagues at work about this. One a believer, the other an ex-believer now militant atheist. Along this I read the excellent book by Gitta Sereny "Into That Darkness, From Mercy Killings to Mass Murder", about the governor of Treblinka extermination camp Franz Strandl. In this book Sereny also highlights some of the Vatican questionable actions.
As most of you will know I am most definitely an atheist, but that doesn’t mean that I don't try to understand religions or peoples need for answers or meaning in life.
On of the questions that I ask my self is what do you say to a person who has just lost a loved one? How do you justify it? How do you make them feel better? A lot of religions create a (I think false, but that’s my opinion) security for people, by stating that people are going to a better place and that you will see them again.
But what does one say from an atheist point of view, how do you create comfort without relying on better places, harps and so on?
I would love to hear your opinion. Here is mine:
The person that has just left you lives on in you and other people. Their influences, their actions, their words remain in the mind of the people that met with them.
Personally I try to listen to the learning and experiences of the people who are around me, both those who are alive and those who sadly has passed away. The one at the foremost of my mind when it comes to people who have since passed on is my maternal grandfather who died when I was 10.
His humble upbringing on a farm in Alsace, his experiences in the second WW, and his fight from under educated young man to sales director of the company he worked with most of his life, his generosity when it came to his grandchildren, his rather stubborn view on my mother’s upbringing. All this are both lessons that I should remember where I came from, that my family have been refugees (although for a short time), that there a good and bad ways to treat your children and etc.
In short that just the influence of him, of course one can argue that I pick and choose. But the fact remains that he inspires me and other people that he met. That some of the lessons he taught me, are in re-interpreted in my actions and therefore transmitted to others. He lives on in my actions.
So if you have recently lost someone, please take comfort in the fact that for some people the person you have just lost, meant something to them, taught them something. Even young children who tragically lose their life before it has even begun. Realise that, that child even in its short life time, probably inspired others to cherish their children even more, then before they passed on.
So what this mean to me? Well it means that I try to help the people that I come in contact with. That I make sure to smile as much as I can, all because I know that all that will remain of me when I go one day, is the memories of those moments.
P.S. Thank you Paolo Conte who always inspires and supplies the perfect music to write the above...
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This is a beautiful insight on your thoughts of life and death. I usually don't talk about religion with people because I find it to be a very personal subject, not taboo just intimate (to each their own).
However religious or not, that’s just a title. What you just wrote proved to me that you are a believer. Believing and having faith is the core topic here. This optimistic search for hope and good and connecting and sharing is truly what matters and forms the base for all religions at the end of the day. I know someone who has lost many of her loved ones, my mother. However I have to admit that her strong faith in a good, higher power (you can call it whatever you like) is what really kept her going through all those tough times (war, divorce, loss of both her parents).. Yet she is still the most optimistic, energetic, hopeful and beautiful person/soul I have ever got the chance to meet. How can one turn out like that after going through so much? When one feels like they have nothing left and lost everything, they turn to the unknown. The intangible. I believe it’s her strong faith (especially in herself) hence in the world and people around her that kept her going, especially in the long run.
And though you give yourself the title of an atheist, you do believe in something, and it’s the most positive and beautiful way of thinking in terms of defining life and death: the notion that we live on forever in one another. Doesn’t that count for anything? I’m not a practicing religious person myself, but one doesn’t have to be in order to have faith. Also this touches the topic of sharing. If you read the book or saw the movie "Into the Wild", towards the end the protagonist has an epiphany: that true happiness is found only when shared. This was somewhat an eye-opening moment for myself because I was never able to define true happiness at such depth in a single sentence..:)
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